To Be Inspired

57kg! 

Harry Styles is a Good Fucking Person

tracedust:

because no one’s perfect but Harry Styles gets pretty damn close. 

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(via nialhorans)

My friend said I was looking amazing to day I was like I live you forever

So I just went for my run and was thinking about my body, when I cam home and found my bestfriend had recently blog on the same topic, but her body not mine. 

I suppose I’m feeling pretty  good about my body at the minute, everyone is telling me that i look amazing and obviously I love the praise. 

I made a promise to myself a couple of years ago that I wouldn’t be bulimic at 20, and I would be happy with my body. Taking control of my health, not my weight, has been so so difficult. It was August 2007 when I became bulimic, I had issues with over exercising and diet before then. It was quite strange at first, I was so strict with what I ate and I would make myself sick everynight.

During 2008 I had some major family issues, mainly my grandfathers diagnosis of a brain tumour and everything that happened because of that. I gain a bit of weight, I was still slim but by the start of 2009 I was looking very slim again.

Prior to going to the UK in April 09 I was living of 2000 Kj a day max, it got to the point where I had stopped running because i didn’t have the energy, perviously I had run at least 3 km at least 5 times a week. I went to the UK and lost a bit more weight but then ended up in a relationship and eating, a lot and really really badly. When I came back to Australia I binge ate terribly, I had stopped running by then and even thought I was still making myself sick I wasn’t losing weight.

My mum eventually found out about my eating disorder and gave me an ultimatum, go to hospital, or stop. So I stopped, but the eating didn’t. Even at my highest weight I only ever weighed 65kg which i know isn’t fat. But i couldnt stand it so it started again, the diet restricting, exercising and the throwing up, but I was back down to a respectable weight. Throughout 2010 my weight stayed pretty okay by my standards untill the summer where I started to put weight on again, throughout 2011 I gained weight during term and lost it over the holidays. I was eating badly and my body had come to the point where my body no longer responded to the throwing up. The more stressed I became the more I ate and the more i ate the more stressed I became. again and no point would have I weighed more than 65 kg, but compared to the 50ish kilos of 2009 I was dying. 

In December 2011 I moved out and started working my current job at a bar, with the late nights and living out of home I stopped eating as much, I’d miss dinner and sleep through the day and could go for two days without eating, without even meaning to. This year I’ve been pretty good, I’ve hardly made myself sick, I’ve maintained a good level of exercerise. 

In recent months healthy eating and exercises has become really important to me. I love eating the right foods and running and doing pilaties. I know I’m losing more weight but I’m doing it the right way and  no longer wish to be “tiny”. I’m I size 8 bottom and 8 to 10 top, I weigh around 56 kilos at the minute but still sometimes when I look in the mirror I still don’t see what I know it there. Its hard, my body doesn’t always make sense to me. i WISH it did, I wish I could see it properly